Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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