Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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