I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
