I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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