He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
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I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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