I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
