gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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