i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
