It's Friday. Sex?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
