I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
