well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
