We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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