oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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