in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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