handjob tips. give me some.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
