Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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