The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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