dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
