I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
