i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
