Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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