malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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