i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
