this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
