I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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