My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
