WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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