If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
