Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
