You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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