Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
