I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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