we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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