Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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