So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
