My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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