1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
