...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
