you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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