i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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