you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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