What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize