We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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