i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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