Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
