I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
