I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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