its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
