I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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