He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I did not marry a roomba.
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