If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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