She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
