Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
