how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
