It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
