after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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