Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
