sarcasm needs its own font
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
