I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
