My cat gives me a boner
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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