I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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