Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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