I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
