i don't like sucking hair
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
