she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
