In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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