If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
