All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
